My Life and I have the last say.

by - 4:59 pm

Since I was young, I was always told I was lucky and very fortunate. True enough, yes I was very sheltered and protected then. Being the older child, I was all out to be an overachiever. I wanted to achieve so much more than I can do. I want to do the extraordinary and do something great in life. I always watched the television and wonder how some people have the talent in dancing, singing or even acting. Then I questioned, what's mine?


Over the years, I tried too hard trying to achieve anything. whenever I fail, I end up crying and wondering why can't I be like others who get to actually DO things so easily unlike me, trying a billion times and still fail. Took my maths economics exam and failed. Why must I do things twice when others can get it done once? I am too much of a perfectionist.


And then I learnt recently from my dad as I tried to recall what he used to tell me when I was younger and shared with him my aspirations. He was a successful business man. He had really good work habits like any business man. Drinks coffee, get up early to watch the news and reads the news paper prime section everyday. okay maybe the only thing he doesn't do is exercise.


I only took notice of his habits recently when he was working then when I was reading articles on some successful figures. My dad is no longer working now since he suffered from a stroke and other health problems.


The biggest lesson I learnt in my life and I'm happy to say that I'm glad to realize this by the age of 24, that is what my dad always tell me:


"You can be whatever you want to be. If you don't have the talent or gift, you just have to work harder than anyone else to achieve it.

Don't care about what others think. You don't owe anyone your success. If they talk shit, let them talk because at the end of the day, you bring your money back home."


Personally I have learnt life the hard way only in recent years. I have enjoyed life being sheltered and getting whatever I want but life has also hit me real hard only when I finished high school and worst in the recent years. I now know what I can achieve just by workng hard and i  know exactly what it means to work hard. I may not be smart or talented. I may need to do it two or even 10 times before I achieve the same result as someone who only need to do it once - but why do I need to compare? I am not going to live someone's else's life. If it takes me 1 year more to achieve my goal, so be it. As long as I achieve what I want to achieve.


Same thing for my recent fitness regime and goals. I have taken interest in crossfit but everyone around me is freaking out and not as excited as I am. I really don't care or can't be bothered though.


It's the stereotype people have. Sometimes it does put me off to hear "Oh vic, your muscles are too big... you're growing bigger... not nice... Oh vic, you look more manly than us now. You are going to be huge man.." - And so?


It's my body and even so, nobody is supposed to love me for just how I look right? If you do then I'm sorry I'm not gonna do anything about it. I love how I feel now. I love what I do. I love the pain and grit I have to put through. I love it when I wake up sore. It is fine (though really ugly) that I get bruises all over from rolling. Nobody knows what goes on in my mind when I am working out. No, you have no idea. whatever I'm doing now, it keeps me sane and I don't really care if it makes anyone else insane.


What goes on inside my head is a secret but it pushes me through and I am never gonna stop till I am done. If im getting bigger muscles and it is bothering you, I'm sorry then. But I guess then you should really think if you're really living your life or trying to live mine. If I were to step into a gym with big muscles, people think wow this girl is perfect man.. She got a nice body and all that. But if I were to go to a university night club party, oh man she's so big and manly, skinny slim girls are hotter. "Sure, whatever really" is what I have to say.


So if anyone of you have the same thoughts as me and is fighting your thoughts similarly, just know you only have yourself to love and if others can't love you when you're happy, they don't deserve you because they only want to control of and make you live a life according to their happiness. Those people? - the exit door is just right there.


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